Doing the wait

I'm having a hard time. No other way to say that. About a week ago I just got over this whole wait thing. Up to this point I guess in my mind, it's part of the process. Waiting and being patient is just what you "do" during all of this.

Waiting is not typically something you think of "doing." But try to adopt an orphan...you will definitely be doing the wait.

It's something I'm struggling with now. I need to figure out a way to get to tomorrow, to this weekend, to next week, and dare I say it, next month. Until we get the call, that's the reality.

I know that God is in control and His timing is perfect. Our pastor has been talking about Joy the past couple of weeks. He has emphasized that Joy isn't felt due to the roller coaster of emotions...that's being happy, or not happy.  You choose Joy, and we can do that by remembering that God has given us all the ultimate gift of salvation. Nothing else matters in comparison. Joy is not dependent on our circumstances.

But my human heart just wants our daughter home...in our arms...at our table...in her room...playing with her brothers...home. So I ask for prayers that I remember to choose Joy, remembering His perfect plan, and yes, patience in my heart. A friend tonight said that once she's home, we won't remember this part. I know it's true...but it's hard doing the wait.

All is right in my world again

Andy DID come home late Saturday night. I'm so happy he's here. We've spent our Sunday at church and lunch with friends. I love having him in the house, sitting next to him in church, and just being with him. What a relief!

My little 24 hour stomach bug was no fun, but thankfully it's over. I hate to throw up. No one likes it, but I just don't allow it to happen. Bleck.

The boys are so cute and it's so fun to watch them hang all over Andy. They missed him so much. They did very well while he was gone and I love watching them with him now.

Our 19th anniversary is Tuesday and we'll spend the day in Birmingham. I'm pretty sure Ruth's Chris is on the menu...I. can't. wait.

I hope everyone else has a great week too. We're off to a great start! :)

11/3 11/3 11/3 11/3 11/3...oh wait

November 3rd. That's the day we've been counting down to since Andy left on June 11th. Turnover began last Monday in a 2 day meeting with the Colonel where she said that "as soon as the incoming are comfortable, know all of the information, know the lay of the land...the outgoing is free to go. The expectation among the outgoing cc's was that they would do turnover through Friday and head home on Saturday just like it was done when they all arrived last June.

So Andy and Bill (his replacement) completed turnover today Friday. Andy laughs at the amount of turnover that is required. But they did it, made sure Bill knew the lay of the land and Andy planned to leave early Saturday morning to come home to his family.

Well this afternoon, the Colonel called to check on how they're doing and Bill let her know they were done. Suddenly, things changed. Andy's orders technically say he'll complete his 140 days plus UP TO 8 days for turnover. Again, the last guy gave Andy this week...and Andy did the same with his replacement. It's more than enough time. Period. But the Colonel wants to make sure they have done turnover properly. She instructed them to spend time tomorrow (for the 3rd time, or 4th in some cases) driving around the post and learning where things are. Andy told me you can cover the entire list of places that matter in about 50 minutes.

The past two days, that's exactly what Andy has been showing him! He has introduced the guy to the Brigade commander, hooked him up with all of the pertinent people, driven around to the ranges multiple times, introduced him to all of the current trainees, etc... there just isn't anything else to cover.

But the Colonel wants them to "make sure they have it down pat tomorrow and then Andy can head out on Sunday."

Okay, even IF they would actually benefit by driving around tomorrow (which they won't...totally redundant), why would Andy need to stay until Sunday morning? I swear that this particular deployment seems to remove common sense from all in charge.

So, it is truly not a big deal. I mean, it's only a matter of hours until he comes home...we aren't talking about a long wait. But it's Orphan Sunday at Church this week and they are featuring the many adoptees in the church during the presentation...to include our Katelyn. :) I've been looking forward to sharing that with Andy, him next to me, enjoying church together like normal.

I told the boys he'd be a day late and was very matter of fact about it. I don't want them to be upset...it's just a little later and dad WILL be home.

So, we stay up a bit since it's Friday, and we all head to bed. I even took my favorite sleeping aid knowing I can sleep in tomorrow for the first time in a couple of months...literally!

I laid in bed and time went on and things just weren't right. Long gross story short, I started vomiting. It was an awful, horrible, nasty way to review your menu for the day. Seriously. I don't know if this is a stomach bug or something I ate that had gone bad.

What a sucky day...Andy will be delayed, and I'm throwing up. Bleck.

Perhaps it's good Andy won't be here tomorrow. What loon would WANT to come home to "this?" lol Were the situation reversed, I'd enter the house armed with Lysol. And bleach for good measure.

Hoping for some sort of rest tonight. And a quiet stomach. And maybe...maybe he'll talk the Colonel into letting him leave tomorrow afternoon??? Praying it is so!

Happy Halloween!

We spent Halloween with our Connect Group. We gathered at one house and cooked out. Then all of the guys took the kids Trick-or-Treating and all the moms gathered around the fire pit, laughed until our faces hurt, and handed out candy. It was SO fun!

I love this group of friends and I enjoyed last night so much. The only thing missing was my honey, but my inappropriate friends and the kids made it really fun. :)

Nathan was a Star Wars character for the 3rd year in a row. This year he went as Obi Won Kenobi. I've figured out it's all about the light saber. Superman, Mario, and and Ninjas don't carry light sabers..thus the reason he won't choose those. He wore his costume all day to school, then all evening, then tried to convince me they'd make good pajamas.

Matthew was a bloody something...again. Apparently if the costume will allow him to "bleed" (chest, face..whatever) then the cool factor is very high. He couldn't be more pleased with himself. Boys are just gross.

I can however sum up their personalities in how they handled their candy. Matt informed me this morning that he had enough candy to last until Christmas. Apparently he's planning on receiving more candy then. He even described a "schedule" of eating one piece after school, and one after dinner. On weekends he'll splurge and have 3 pieces each day. That's my planner/saver.

And Nathan...well, I checked on him last night in bed. He was sacked out still wearing his glow bracelet, holding two empty candy wrappers, with another piece of candy near his head. His face was a sticky mess and he was in a sugar coma. That's my Nathan.

Anyway...this week pumpkins were carved.

And costumes were donned.

Another Halloween for the books. I personally don't like Halloween...at all. I'm just glad the boys had fun and that it's behind us. For me it's just the gateway to my most favorite time of year. I'm SO glad the REAL holiday season has begun!

PH check up

I saw my doctor again. She's awesome. I'm doing awesome. Check. Check. Check.

Then we proceeded to talk about Katelyn, the adoption, and the timeline. It was a great visit and I always enjoy talking about Katelyn. You can run tests, listen to my heart, ask me questions about this and that...but I know I'm doing well when we spend 5 minutes talking about my medical condition, and 10 minutes discussing the latest about our adoption.

I don't go back until the end of February.

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways and I truly am grateful. I'm grateful for the doctors, the meds, and appointments like today that remind me how well I'm doing.

Ice Cream and French Fries

Skype session # 5.

Ahhh, another evening with Katelyn. It was an interesting night!

First, we discovered that she has yet to receive our package. Apparently they have a call into the main office in Taipei to ask where it is. They know that every time we speak, we ask if she's received it. Included in that first care package is a letter from us to her regarding her name. We wrote the letter and had it translated and it explains that we want to use the name Katelyn for her first name, and her given name will become her middle name. We are both sort of nervous about telling her this, but ready for her to know about it so we can begin using it.

Well we were disappointed that she hasn't received it. And what do you know, the translator started by saying that "Linda" (her American name they use during English class) had a question. She explained that Linda had asked this question last week and that it was the first thing she brought up today when she arrived. She wanted to know if she could change her American name and wanted to know what we would like to call her.

We were shocked! Changing her name is a delicate process and we'd put time and effort into a letter explaining how the name Katelyn is special to us and that we want to call her Katelyn. And bam...in the course of 10 seconds we were about to just tell her about it over Skype.

Sooo, we did! She thought about it. She literally put her little finger to her chin, eyes looking upward, and thought about the name. Next thing I knew she was referring to herself as Katelyn and off we went with the rest of the conversation.

Of course I envisioned the different scenarios that we might have as she read the letter and learned her new name. Telling her "in person"on Skype and getting her live reaction wasn't one of them! But how fun! She'll still get the letter and learn more about why we would like to use that name. I've prayed so often asking God to prepare her heart for this process. I've asked specifically that He open her up to the name Katelyn and that she would be okay with it. What a direct answer to prayer that we got to tell her about it, watch her reaction, and that she accepted it with no problem. Wow, just wow!

We spoke about Halloween. She got to trick-or-treat last Wednesday. She did not dress up but wore a jack-o-lantern hat. We explained that the boys would be dressing up and going TnT'ing this week. She became upset because she won't be there to do that with us. We explained that we would get extra candy for her and save it. We also pointed out that she could do this with us next year. She immediately began planning her costume. At last count the list included princess, Barbie, a bunny, and a cat. Can you imagine the list by next October? ;-)

She also stated that she is looking forward to going to McDonald's. Ha! That's a "we're on the road, nothing else is open, and it will make the kids happy" kind of place. Sounds like we might visit it a little more often after she arrives. ;)

It's pretty common knowledge that many Asian adoptees have a milk allergy. Having dealt with a milk allergy for 3 years (Nathan grew out of it at age 3), I know how hard it is to incorporate that into the family diet. I've been wondering if she is allergic to dairy or not...so tonight when talking about McDonald's I asked if she liked ice cream. She immediately said yes...that and french fries. A girl after my own heart.

She was corrected by the translator (asked Katelyn to speak softly so that she could hear us) and she got up and left. Literally, pouted, hid her face, then simply left the room. Apparently, she does that often. We asked about her foster sister's wedding this past weekend. The foster mom said it went well but that unfortunately there was only one picture of Katelyn because she left half way through the ceremony. THEN the translator explained that Katelyn can become very upset and grumpy and that you have to "make a deal with her" so that she'll cooperate. Ah-ha! She's one smart cookie...has the adults making deals with her in order to behave? I see a battle in our future. One we'll eventually win, but I have a feeling this could get sporty. I hope one day that when she reads this blog, this part is amusing. That can only happen if we have successfully corrected this problem. Yeah, I pray it's funny...one day.

All in all a great visit with her. I long to have her home...I pray we get "the call" soon, very. very. soon.

Skype # 4

Another successful Skype. She got to meet my parents, she showed us some rewards from school, her yearbook, pictures of her friends, and some of her favorite toys. She was definitely in a better mood than last time and I was relieved.

At one point we asked to see foster mom again (last time we saw her we had a bad connection and the picture was pixelated). She saw down and held K on her lap and Katelyn immediately settled down. She can sort of get up and down, lay across the desk, etc...but with foster mom she sat very still and participated. Bless her heart, I can only imagine what she must be thinking! The foster mom obviously loves her and cares for her very well. I hope that's a connection we're able to keep over the years for her sake.

I was so glad that my parents got to meet her. She referred to them as grandmother and grandfather and I'm pretty sure that sealed the deal for them. :)

She still hasn't received our care package but it should arrive any day. I can't WAIT for her to get it! I need to prepare the next round of pics to send to her.

Otherwise, things are rolling along. Andy will be home in 2 weeks and 4 days. This is our last week of soccer and I'm so freaking glad happy the season is about over. The boys both had awesome coaches and I hope they are with the same ones next Spring.

Sunday, Murphy ate some raw chicken from the trash (as in 2 chicken breasts that had freezer burn so I tossed them). I watched and waited and prayed that he wouldn't be affected. He fooled me because when he went to into his kennel that night I thought we were in the clear.

Holy brown alert, was I wrong. I woke up to the most horrid smell you can smell on a Monday morning. Diarrhea. I gagged. The boys gagged. Murphy laid in it, wagged his wet, poopy tail back and forth across my leg, the cabinets, the door frame, the couch, etc...you get the idea. It was a lovely morning.

Fortunately he seems fine now. I informed him he simply wasn't allowed to get salmonella poisoning on my watch. I guess it worked because he's fine now. His kennel is super, bleachy clean, and he smells like Pantene.

Looks like we'll Skype again in a couple of weeks. I look forward to the day when we can't schedule another Skype session because we'll be going to get her instead.

Next Skype session Sunday

We should get to speak with her again this weekend. And my parents happen to be passing through...she gets to meet 2 of her grandparents! That should be interesting. I pray she's in a better mood than last time.

I'm praying she has received our care package and is enjoying the photo album. The part I think about constantly is our letter telling her we will call her Katelyn. I pray she receives that news and accepts it. I'm a little nervous!

We are another week closer to Andy's return. We were so blessed with his visit last weekend. We all got a taste of life with him back home and it was a  bitter pill to swallow when he left. He even made school lunches for Monday. For that alone I want him back immediately.

Two more Saturdays of soccer and then the season ends. It's kept us busy these last couple of months and I've met some new mom friends. Mom friends are the best...they understand the toothpaste on your shoulder from hugging your youngest goodbye, they understand your disheveled-just-woke-up appearance on school mornings, and they understand the need for an evening out where you laugh until your face hurts. Nope, can never have too many of those kind of friends.

I finished Katelyn's bedside table tonight. It used to be Matt's and then Nathan had it. It was a natural wood color (well...and marker colored, and pen colored, and apparently "Nathan wuz here," you get the idea). It's now all shiny and new with a fresh coat of white paint and some new drawer pulls. I figure we got our money's worth out of it no matter what she does to it! It is the last piece of furniture to go into the room. We are ready Taiwan...just say the word...now please!

5 years of PH and being a Live-er

Tomorrow, October 11th marks the 5th anniversary of my diagnosis of Pulmonary Hypertension.

My condition at the time of diagnosis certainly didn't bode well for the future. I was in moderate to severe heart failure, my heart was surrounded by fluid, and it was pumping at less than 50% capacity. I slept....more than even I, the professional sleeper-inner had ever slept before. I remember (ironically) not being able to remember things. Words escaped me. Due to oxygen deprivation, I couldn't come up with the simplest phrase, and working hard to do that was too taxing. Most of my days were spent horizontal on the couch, watching the boys play. Thank goodness my job as "mom" was not one from which I could be fired because, well, I wasn't exactly doing much mothering. That was the hardest part emotionally.

Nathan was 18 months old. I had lost my voice (paralyzed vocal cord that we later realized was yet another symptom of PH) and I could only speak, read books, or sing songs to him in a whisper. I realized after awhile that he spoke normally to Andy and Matt...and he whispered when he talked to me.

Matt was in 1st grade by then. He is such a good kid and he just forged ahead like any 6 year old. It all affected him though and I hated that he knew something really wrong was happening to us...not just to me, but to our family as a whole.

The cardiologist who performed the heart cath told me to get my affairs in order. He told my 36 year old self that he was sure I wouldn't see my 39th birthday. I wished really hard for him to break something...like his face, but he was just the messenger, albeit a poor one.

Thankfully, I was diagnosed with PH at a time when new medications were/are being developed all the time. Researchers keep finding new angles from which to attack this dreadful disease. I guess I have sucky luck, but good timing.

I've also been fortunate in that I have been under the care of amazing PH specialists. The knowledge and experience they bring to the table has been life changing. The pulmonary doc who diagnosed me saved my life. But the specialists since then gave me my life back. And they even put up with my neurotic need to know info, test results, upcoming clinical trials, dosage questions, treatment options, and the like. I'm pretty sure I'd drive me crazy if I was my doctor.

5 years from diagnosis, the survival rate is around 50%. But that number continues to go higher as people like me benefit from all of the new meds.  Here I am. Take that PH.

And here's the fun part. Not only am I still here, I'm LIVING! I'm not watching from the sidelines or barely getting by, I'm a typical mom and wife. I volunteer at school, actively participate in an awesome church, discuss boys' stinky feet and incredible appetites on the sideline of soccer practices, play Bunco, go out with friends, take care of our house, shop (unfortunately for our budget), walk the dog, travel, and well, normal, every day life! I often envision letting that cardiologist know how inaccurate his advice was 5 years ago...sending him a picture of myself at the 5K this summer, or tubing on the lake would be a fun place to start.

I'm not just a Survivor at this momentous 5 year point. I'm a Live-er. There are no words to describe how thankful I am. Some days when the trash bag opens on the curb and crap goes everywhere, or Nathan has once again emptied the milk jug at 9pm at night, or when Murphy brings a baby bird into his kennel, I remind myself that THIS is living and not that long ago, I was watching it all from the sidelines.

I never thought I'd consider PH a gift, but it is. I mean, I'd prefer diamonds, but well, I got PH instead. And PH does NOT have me! It's a part of me, but it doesn't define me and for that I am immensely thankful. My faith has grown so strong, and so deep and I don't know if that would have happened if not for PH. Really...what a blessing it has been.

I pray daily that I continue on this path and that new meds and treatments continue to be developed. I pray that the medical community finds a cure for Pulmonary Hypertension. For me. For all of my PH friends.

5 years and counting...and living.

Unexpected guest

Translations are back! Care package is put together and it gets overnighted tomorrow morning. The agency normally mails family care packages (from multiple families) on the 1st of every month. They agreed to wait until our package arrives. I'm SO happy she's going to get the stuff in a few days!

As for court, no news is literally good news. We only hear from them if there is a problem. Waiting stinks. Waiting and not knowing ANYthing is t-o-r-t-u-r-e.

We should also be getting some more info about her placement history. It came to our attention last week that there were some gaps in the information we had. I dread it because I don't want it to be bad in any way. I'm excited because it's another piece of who she is and I want all of that we can get.

In regular-life-news, Andy will arrive on Friday. The boys don't know yet that he's going to be here for a 4 day weekend. He should be here by the time the boys get home from school Friday afternoon. I have these wonderful visions of how it will play out..complete with them running towards each other, with arms wide open, with music playing in the background. Or, they could just barrel in, throw down their stuff in the middle of the floor, run into the living room, and screech in excitement. Wait...that pretty much happens every day (minus the screeching). I know it will be fun and it's something I bet they remember for a long time.

Andy's dad is also visiting this weekend. He's making the long trek from Oklahoma to visit and watch a couple of soccer games. The boys always love Grandad time...it usually involves trips to Bass Pro Shop, and shooting things. Boy heaven.

I hope this week passes quickly!!