Like when the stranger in line behind you at the store has a child who is misbehaving a little. And you know the child has chosen the perfect time to show just who is in control. The adult whispers firmly in her ear to straighten up and fly right...and the child continues to sink to the floor or sing random songs as if no one else exists. Charming.
Yeah, it's funny alright...until you're on a plane bound for America, can't speak Mandarin, and your 50 lbs. bright-eyed little daughter chooses that moment to test your parenting skills. Yes, I picture this a lot. Worried, party of one please.
She didn't have much to say and we saw the top of her head quite a bit. At one point she left the room and the social worker shared with us that Katelyn wasn't very happy with us after missing the last Skype session. We still don't know where the failure in communication happened, but that sweet girl came to the orphanage to see us and we blew her off like we were off on a weekend beach vacation....because, well, we were. Granted we had no idea we were supposed to meet up with her, but all she knows is we stood her up. I'd be mad too if I was her.
They pointed out she was in quite a mood today. We assured them that we understood. They then shared with us that she has a bit of a temper. I asked how she behaved when she became angry...and they said "well, like she is behaving today." Understood and no big deal. Short of fast forwarding several months, that's just going to be how it is sometimes.
The topper was that through the translator, she has expressed concern about how we will communicate when she gets here and we don't know Mandarin. Oh baby girl, we think about that too! ESL tools will be our best friend.
She also said...and here is where if you're human, your heart will clench up a little...she said that while she is excited to come here, she doesn't want to leave her foster mommy again. As in...she's already been in 4 foster homes and heading to America with strangers who don't understand her is not high on her list of fun things to do.
I so get this. I get it! If Nathan was an orphan, and at his age, he had to go to Asia, move in with strangers who don't speak English, and spend the rest of his life, well...I can't even imagine. And yet, that's exactly what we are asking her to do in order to join our family. How does a 6 year old girl process that?
The social worker also shared that K is pretty spoiled. She attributes it to her being moved around quite a bit. I can't help but wonder if their version of "spoiled" is the same as ours. This could be an interesting dynamic for sure.
On the positive side, all of this means she truly understands (as best as a 6 year old can) what is happening. She's obviously envisioning what it will be like. It also means she must have a pretty good foster family. By all accounts she is very happy there and while I'm sad she has to leave that life, I'm relieved to know that she is being treated well..something that isn't always a given in foster care (of any country).
Tonight felt like a little bit of shine has been rubbed off. The first two Skype sessions she was working so hard to impress us. I think I even said that I wish she didn't feel the need to do that. Ha! Reality is setting in and it's just going to be tough. Period.
I wish I could reach through that computer, hug her, play with her, reassure her, and comfort her. That time will come and until then I'm thankful for Skype. I pray each day that God will prepare her heart for this and comfort her as needed. And I pray He will guide us and help us help her.
Balancing hope and faith with the realities of the international adoption of an older child is quite a feat. I think we're crazy...but really happy too. ;)
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